Taebo my ass, please

Ok, so the days of feeling like a blob of Smuckers jelly are over for me. I, the master of hand-eye-co ordination, have invested some penny in a Taebo video that involves some arm punches and kickboxing and fancy leg moves.

But you wonder how it is that the people on those videos always look so 'together' and 'with it', how their right legs don't get in the way of their left and their boxing fists are at the level of their chins and not their gut. I wondered that too. And nothing seems to blob or teeter toter in those videos like the backs of my upper arms and my Cubansloveit gut. I don't even want to mention what happens to my ass.

So here it goes....left foot forward, right foot back, cross, cross, right punch, left under swing and left foot forward, right foot back.....

But wait a minute.....the video people are on the opposite side and left foot isn't doing what its supposed to and right punch is left under swing and left foot is up in the air and jiggle, jiggle underarms and punch! I trip and hit myself in the jaw.

So I crawl over to the TV and hit stop/eject and put in the Abs video. Maybe I would have better luck if I were stationary.
Half way into the program, I am crying and they want me to lift my upper body off the floor with my jelly, Cubansloveit gut, bend forward, spread my legs and touch the floor?! No f***king way.

Today, something's tickling my throat and I cough but it stops in the middle of it as the jelly gut says: "Screw you, bitch".